Yes. Adult attachment patterns can change, but the evidence does not support treating attachment style like a switch that flips from insecure to secure overnight. People can show different levels of attachment anxiety and avoidance across relationships, and longitudinal research finds some change over time. The size and direction of change differ across people and across the two dimensions.
If you are asking whether attachment style can change, separate two questions. Can the way you respond in one relationship change? Clearly yes. Can a broad attachment tendency change across your life? Research also suggests yes, but usually more slowly and less uniformly.
Modern adult attachment research often measures two dimensions, attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance, rather than assigning one permanent type. The ECR-RS research also shows that attachment can differ across close relationships, which is one reason a single label should not be treated as a lifelong identity.
What does research say about attachment changing over time?
A 2025 longitudinal study followed 1,036 established couples across 20 months. It found small decreases in attachment anxiety among women, while attachment avoidance was more stable. The study is useful because it shows both sides of the evidence: attachment can change, although meaningful change is not automatic or equally strong for every dimension. Read the study.
Other longitudinal work has found that partner-specific security can shift within couples. In a study of 172 couples measured five times over one year, changes in relationship-specific security were coordinated between partners after accounting for each person's typical level of security. See the longitudinal study.
Do not turn those findings into a promise that the right partner will automatically 'heal' attachment. Relationship experiences matter, but recent evidence also shows that broad attachment change can be modest and inconsistent. A relationship can support more secure responses without erasing every old expectation.
Does changing attachment mean getting a new label?
Not necessarily. A person may become less anxious about rejection, more comfortable asking for support, or less likely to withdraw during conflict without moving neatly from one category to another. Dimensional change is often more informative than asking whether a quiz now gives you a different four-style label.
This matters because the same person can be relatively secure with one close other and less secure with another. A changing score may reflect real development, a different relationship context, temporary stress, or measurement noise. One online result cannot tell those explanations apart.
What may support more secure attachment patterns?
There is no single scientifically proven sequence that makes every person securely attached. The research instead points toward repeated experiences and skills that make attachment responses more flexible.
- Notice the attachment trigger before acting on the first interpretation. This creates room to separate what happened from what you fear it means.
- Communicate needs directly. Clear requests are more informative than repeated reassurance tests, silent withdrawal or expecting a partner to guess.
- Practice both closeness and autonomy. Security is not dependence at all costs. It includes being able to seek support and function independently.
- Pay attention to responsiveness and repair. Relationships that allow honest communication, reasonable boundaries and repair after conflict can give you different experiences from the ones you expect.
- Use therapy when patterns are causing substantial distress or repeating despite your efforts. A 2018 meta-analysis found that greater attachment security before therapy was associated with better psychotherapy outcomes, and improvements in security during therapy tended to coincide with better outcomes. That does not identify one universal attachment treatment. See the meta-analysis.
What about attachment security exercises?
Experimental research has tested attachment security priming, such as briefly bringing a secure relationship or supportive figure to mind. A 2022 meta-analysis of 120 studies found positive average effects across affective, cognitive and behavioral outcomes. These experiments are interesting, but a short-term laboratory effect is not the same thing as permanently changing an adult attachment pattern. Read the meta-analysis.
Use that evidence as support for the idea that a sense of security is somewhat malleable, not as proof that one visualization exercise can rewrite years of relationship learning.
Explore the pattern underneath the label
The DesperateMinds Attachment Style Test gives an educational profile across relationship dimensions. Use it for reflection, not as a diagnosis or proof that your style is permanent.
What attachment change does not mean
Becoming more secure does not mean tolerating poor treatment, staying in an unsafe relationship, never needing reassurance, or becoming emotionally independent from everyone. It means having more options when closeness, distance, conflict or uncertainty activates old expectations.
It is also worth checking the relationship itself. If a partner is genuinely inconsistent, deceptive, coercive or unsafe, feeling unsettled is not automatically evidence that your attachment style is the problem.
Look for repeated changes in relationship behavior
Attachment change is more convincing when it appears across time: less panic during ordinary distance, more direct requests, greater tolerance of vulnerability, more reliable return after conflict and better ability to use support. A single calm week or one difficult argument is not enough to classify the whole pattern.
| Old pattern | Possible secure shift |
|---|---|
| Repeated reassurance tests | Directly asks for reassurance once and can absorb the answer |
| Withdrawal without explanation | Requests space and names a reconnection time |
| Avoiding needs | States a need before resentment builds |
| Catastrophizing conflict | Can treat disagreement as a problem to work through |
Change can be individual and relational
Personal work matters, but relationship context matters too. Predictable communication, respectful boundaries and repair can make secure behavior easier to practice. An unsafe or coercive relationship can make "becoming more secure" the wrong framing; safety comes first.
For the two commonly discussed insecure patterns, see anxious vs avoidant attachment.
Questions people ask next
Track flexibility, not labels
A useful sign of change is having more than one response available when attachment stress appears. Instead of asking only whether a quiz category changed, look for behavior that is easier to observe.
- You notice a trigger before acting on it.
- You can ask for reassurance once instead of repeatedly testing the relationship.
- You can request space and reliably return instead of disappearing.
- You recover from conflict faster and need less escalation to feel heard.
- You can stay connected without giving up reasonable autonomy.
Those shifts can happen before a broad self-report score moves very much. The Attachment Style Test is best used as a snapshot for reflection, not a certificate that you are now permanently secure.
Frequently asked questions
Can you change your attachment style?
Yes, attachment patterns can change, especially at the relationship-specific level. Broader tendencies can also change, but research suggests that change is usually gradual and differs across people and attachment dimensions.
How long does it take to change attachment style?
Research does not support one fixed timeline. Change can unfold across months or years, and some patterns are more stable than others. A different quiz result after a short period is not proof of durable change by itself.
Can a healthy relationship change your attachment style?
A responsive relationship can support more secure experiences and behaviors, but it does not guarantee that every insecure pattern will disappear. Relationship context is one influence among several.
Can therapy change attachment style?
Psychotherapy research suggests that changes toward greater attachment security can occur and may accompany better treatment outcomes. The evidence does not establish one therapy that changes attachment for everyone.
Can an attachment test prove that my style changed?
No. A test can show that your current self-report pattern changed. Durable change is better judged across time, relationships and real behavior rather than one score alone.
References
- Fraley, R. C., Heffernan, M. E., Vicary, A. M., & Brumbaugh, C. C. (2011). The Experiences in Close Relationships-Relationship Structures questionnaire. Psychological Assessment, 23(3), 615-625. Source
- Examining change in attachment in romantic couples: The role of relationship characteristics and codevelopment between partners. (2025). Source
- Hudson, N. W., Fraley, R. C., Brumbaugh, C. C., & Vicary, A. M. (2014). Coregulation in romantic partners' attachment styles: A longitudinal investigation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 40(7), 845-857. Source
- Levy, K. N., Kivity, Y., Johnson, B. N., & Gooch, C. V. (2018). Adult attachment as a predictor and moderator of psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 74(11), 1996-2013. Source
- Gillath, O., Karantzas, G. C., Romano, D., & Karantzas, K. M. (2022). Attachment security priming: A meta-analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 26(3), 183-241. Source